An emotional day
Some days pass real fast, while others have a strange aura and energy. Today was the latter. In the morning I talked with Suky, who told me that our highschool friend Margaret was in the last stages of life. Charlie, as we knew her in school, has been fighting breast cancer for many years. She is losing that fight, but from what Suky told me, she is a winner in leaving us with dignity.
Charlie and I have been close at school, but we had little chance to keep in touch after we graduated, because life kept us a continent or two apart. But we knew about each other through Suky, until we had a chance to catch up in person in the past few years. And I am very grateful to have had that chance.
Suky told me this morning that the last time she saw Margaret, they talked about all of us girls at Camden and our lives and how we kept in touch, etc., and they talked about me. I feel very priviledged about that, because we all know that it was Suky who was responsible for keeping most of us (especially me being in the States and all) in touch over the past - dare I say - 42 years. She denies it, but that is the truth, as Alison and I confirmed it just a few weeks ago. Yes, my English sister Suky and her her family are amazing people (but more of that later).
Getting back to today, my thoughts were fixated on Margaret the whole day. In the morning, on the bus, going to my cancer counsellor, I communed with her, talked to her and said my farewell. I talked about her with the counsellor, and in the afternoon, when I was practicing my piano, I 'played for her' the Mozart variations "Ah je dirais vous Maman", that I know she heard me practice or play at school.
Outside, the cold southerly wind gusted relentlessly, bringing some respite to the heat that is said to increase to 39 degrees Celsius by Sunday. Oy veh!
One thing that I told the counsellor was that Charlie's imminent death made me realise that I am not afraid of dying, but I am afraid that I will have forgotten how to live by the time it's my turn to go. Weep, weep. Kleenex please! So, next week, when I see her again, the spotlight will be on me, how to get me back into life again after the cancer treatment is over. Right on!
After the weepies with the counsellor, I waylaid the surprised Professor in the corridor with a huge hug and asked what he thought about my proposed pain management strategy to take the painkiller early, well before the pain actually starts. He thought it was a great idea, so I am hoping that the next Taxol hit won't be too unbearable. I am also looking around to get some good videos to watch while they are pouring the stuff into me.
The rest of the day went by quite fast. Ildi suggested that I should take a siesta after lunch to conserve my energy, which I thought was a great idea and tried out for the first time today. Well, I think it worked, because it's now after midnight and I am still full of beans.
And later I called my English mother, Rita to wish her a happy birthday. I won't say how old she is (because she has decided to keep mum about it, so people won't look on her like some curiosity), but let's just say that it's well over 80 and she has all her marbles, and she drives a car in London. What's more, she now informs me that she is taking computer classes, but not just any kind of class - she is preparing for the GCE 'O' levels in IT!!! All I can say is that it's quite amazing, but knowing Rita, not surprising. I just hope that I get into that PhD and follow Rita's example of keeping mentally and physically fit and alert well into my Third Age!!! And yes, Happy Birthday Rita Mama and keep going strong!
All in all, it's been an emotionally exhausting, but rewarding day. Does that make sense?
Charlie and I have been close at school, but we had little chance to keep in touch after we graduated, because life kept us a continent or two apart. But we knew about each other through Suky, until we had a chance to catch up in person in the past few years. And I am very grateful to have had that chance.
Suky told me this morning that the last time she saw Margaret, they talked about all of us girls at Camden and our lives and how we kept in touch, etc., and they talked about me. I feel very priviledged about that, because we all know that it was Suky who was responsible for keeping most of us (especially me being in the States and all) in touch over the past - dare I say - 42 years. She denies it, but that is the truth, as Alison and I confirmed it just a few weeks ago. Yes, my English sister Suky and her her family are amazing people (but more of that later).
Getting back to today, my thoughts were fixated on Margaret the whole day. In the morning, on the bus, going to my cancer counsellor, I communed with her, talked to her and said my farewell. I talked about her with the counsellor, and in the afternoon, when I was practicing my piano, I 'played for her' the Mozart variations "Ah je dirais vous Maman", that I know she heard me practice or play at school.
Outside, the cold southerly wind gusted relentlessly, bringing some respite to the heat that is said to increase to 39 degrees Celsius by Sunday. Oy veh!
One thing that I told the counsellor was that Charlie's imminent death made me realise that I am not afraid of dying, but I am afraid that I will have forgotten how to live by the time it's my turn to go. Weep, weep. Kleenex please! So, next week, when I see her again, the spotlight will be on me, how to get me back into life again after the cancer treatment is over. Right on!
After the weepies with the counsellor, I waylaid the surprised Professor in the corridor with a huge hug and asked what he thought about my proposed pain management strategy to take the painkiller early, well before the pain actually starts. He thought it was a great idea, so I am hoping that the next Taxol hit won't be too unbearable. I am also looking around to get some good videos to watch while they are pouring the stuff into me.
The rest of the day went by quite fast. Ildi suggested that I should take a siesta after lunch to conserve my energy, which I thought was a great idea and tried out for the first time today. Well, I think it worked, because it's now after midnight and I am still full of beans.
And later I called my English mother, Rita to wish her a happy birthday. I won't say how old she is (because she has decided to keep mum about it, so people won't look on her like some curiosity), but let's just say that it's well over 80 and she has all her marbles, and she drives a car in London. What's more, she now informs me that she is taking computer classes, but not just any kind of class - she is preparing for the GCE 'O' levels in IT!!! All I can say is that it's quite amazing, but knowing Rita, not surprising. I just hope that I get into that PhD and follow Rita's example of keeping mentally and physically fit and alert well into my Third Age!!! And yes, Happy Birthday Rita Mama and keep going strong!
All in all, it's been an emotionally exhausting, but rewarding day. Does that make sense?
Labels: breast cancer
posted by Unknown at 11:54 PM
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