Paying the piper

Well, it seems there's no easy chemo and you just have to pay the piper sometime. For me that time is now. This Taxol has turned into a nightmare. Whereas the previous chemo cocktail was accompanied by severe fatigue and undefineable malaise, this time I am in pain - excrutiating pain. It's mostly in the feet and leg muscles. I shuffle like a 90 year old and groan each time my foot hits the ground, because it feels like I am stepping on a bed of coals on a pillow of air. I know, it sounds impossible, but that's what it feels like. The whole experience seems improbable.

So, what do I do besides shoving painkillers into my innards? I am inventing all kinds of distractions, like the old jigsaw puzzle, movies, books, and rotate them, because I simply can't focus on anything for long. One thing has come in very handy, though, and that is the old biofeedback that I learned 20 years ago to control my blood pressure. It's like meditation and it takes away the emotional turmoil and also provides temporary, but welcome relief from the pain. I don't seem to have the patience for the Qigong exercises - maybe tomorrow.