Lamb to slaughter
One would think one would get used to the rhythm of chemotherapy and just get on with it. Well, that's what I thought too. My diary is neatly pencilled when I can expect to be sick, medium and well. I arrange my affairs so the important things fall on the 'good week'. So, why can't I get used to the 'day before'?
As per usual, today I am tying up loose ends, cleaning the house, the car, etc., doing the ironing. In the midst of all this activity, my mind suddenly went blank and I again felt like I was saying good bye to my world. The feeling of 'what happens after', that I had at the first and second chemo is back. Why? Surely I can see that I was fine before and will be fine again? A wave of weeping overtakes me. Very strange.
Maybe it's this cold winter weather that we have been having, that's why I feel so blue? You wouldn't think it's almost summer, I had to put the heater on this morning because it was so cold.
Getting back to the 'problem'. I am not even going to be alone this time. My friend June C. came down from Queensland and will be here to hold my hand until next Tuesday morning. So, why am I so blue?
This is very strange. I have an appointment with the counsellor tomorrow morning, before I see the Prof, before they pump me full of poison, so I shall have to mull that over with her.
The reality is that I've put on about 3kg since the chemos began. I don't know whether that's because of the steroids, or because I am not doing so much exercise anymore. Well, I don't think one can lose much weight doing Tai Chi.
Anyway, I did call a local gym, but they don't have what I need, so I shall just continue to check out some others. I just think that exercise will make things easier, but I know I don't have the discipline to do it by myself.
As per usual, today I am tying up loose ends, cleaning the house, the car, etc., doing the ironing. In the midst of all this activity, my mind suddenly went blank and I again felt like I was saying good bye to my world. The feeling of 'what happens after', that I had at the first and second chemo is back. Why? Surely I can see that I was fine before and will be fine again? A wave of weeping overtakes me. Very strange.
Maybe it's this cold winter weather that we have been having, that's why I feel so blue? You wouldn't think it's almost summer, I had to put the heater on this morning because it was so cold.
Getting back to the 'problem'. I am not even going to be alone this time. My friend June C. came down from Queensland and will be here to hold my hand until next Tuesday morning. So, why am I so blue?
This is very strange. I have an appointment with the counsellor tomorrow morning, before I see the Prof, before they pump me full of poison, so I shall have to mull that over with her.
The reality is that I've put on about 3kg since the chemos began. I don't know whether that's because of the steroids, or because I am not doing so much exercise anymore. Well, I don't think one can lose much weight doing Tai Chi.
Anyway, I did call a local gym, but they don't have what I need, so I shall just continue to check out some others. I just think that exercise will make things easier, but I know I don't have the discipline to do it by myself.
Labels: breast cancer
posted by Unknown at 2:08 PM
1 Comments:
I think the blues would be normal -- especially the day before chemo.
I get blue days because of the stuff I'm dealing with -- days when I just suddenly feel overwhelmingly sad for a couple of hours, & then, thank goodnes, the mood lifts.
It's just something you & your body have to go through -- it's part of the journey.
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