In the present
One thing that happens during this chemotherapy is that it really forces you to live in the present. Even if you plan the sexiest date, the most beautiful adventure, you must be prepared to let it all go, without rancour, and just go with the flow, whatever your body allows you to do. It's very frustrating.
Yesterday was one of the hottest events of the Sydney Festival, an annual gorging of the visual, aural and other senses between 6 January and Australia Day, the national holiday, which is on 26 January. Jazz in the Park was all Brazilian and promised to be an event to remember, where I could start the year shaking my booty, despite my current condition.
Sue C and Ildi and I had made elaborate plans to go early, get a good vantage point, take the bubbly and - well you get the picture. Forget it. The cold southerly winds, the bane of my existence, rushed through in early afternoon and there was no way in the world I could go anywhere, or take the bubbly. Ah well, c'est la vie. 80,000 other lucky people got to go, but not me. Darn it!
This morning, as if to mock me, the skies are blue, my energy level is high and I am just about to go to the gym. It probably won't last all day, but I am so thankful to have periods when I have real energy, just as I did before this whole horror ride began.
I have to say one thing for Taxol. So far, so bearable. The pain was terrifying, not just because it was so excruciating, but because one didn't know how long it would last. But the way I look at it now is, that perhaps if I take pain killers before the pain hits, it may be more bearable. Well, at least I can try. I must say that sticking to the advice I got about taking the anti-nausea pills before the nausea got bad, has proven to be very effective, so I am hoping that this new pain control strategy will also work.
The positive aspect this time is that the oppressive fatigue of the previous AC chemo coctail is absent. This means that next week I can probably try out a casual job someone has offered for me to do in my short windows of energy. Well, at least the intention to try is there. Whether I'll make it is another issue.
Anyway, for now the energy is there and I am off to the gym. But before I do, I have to tell you about my visit to the plastic surgeon. (boy this chemo brain makes me forget the most important things).
Friday morning I fronted up to Dr D.P. really nervous. I knew I didn't want any more surgery, but I had resigned myself that I may have to have it. The doc looked uptight too, taking my measure, just like Dr. A.S. did a lifetime away. Although this guy doesn't have the cancer surgeon's charm or sense of humour, he has my admiration for his darned good common sense.
He said that, even if I wanted or needed reconstructive surgery, he wouldn't want to see me before 12 months after all the treatments have been completed. The reason being that it takes that long for the breast tissue to settle down and for me to assess whether the physical changes are acceptable, or cause intolerable problems with posture, back pain, and/or appearance.
Well, as far as I am concerned, the appearance (caused by one breast becoming much smaller than the other) can easily be corrected with a small prosthesis, so I wouldn't consider surgery for that, but I guess I am keeping an open mind in case I develop postural or back pain problems. Phew! Do I feel better!
And talking about living in the present.... Just had a call from Jackie and I am off to have fun with her and the kids, so I guess the gym will have to wait for another time and I"ll get my exercise running after Tegan and Leah, which would probably expend the same amount of energy, but will be much more enjoyable.
Ah, life! It can be so beautiful. Here's a pic Alison took of me doing my Qigong exercise under the old Moreton Fig tree in Bicentennial Park before the Taxol horror. I am wearing the same outfit today.
Yesterday was one of the hottest events of the Sydney Festival, an annual gorging of the visual, aural and other senses between 6 January and Australia Day, the national holiday, which is on 26 January. Jazz in the Park was all Brazilian and promised to be an event to remember, where I could start the year shaking my booty, despite my current condition.
Sue C and Ildi and I had made elaborate plans to go early, get a good vantage point, take the bubbly and - well you get the picture. Forget it. The cold southerly winds, the bane of my existence, rushed through in early afternoon and there was no way in the world I could go anywhere, or take the bubbly. Ah well, c'est la vie. 80,000 other lucky people got to go, but not me. Darn it!
This morning, as if to mock me, the skies are blue, my energy level is high and I am just about to go to the gym. It probably won't last all day, but I am so thankful to have periods when I have real energy, just as I did before this whole horror ride began.
I have to say one thing for Taxol. So far, so bearable. The pain was terrifying, not just because it was so excruciating, but because one didn't know how long it would last. But the way I look at it now is, that perhaps if I take pain killers before the pain hits, it may be more bearable. Well, at least I can try. I must say that sticking to the advice I got about taking the anti-nausea pills before the nausea got bad, has proven to be very effective, so I am hoping that this new pain control strategy will also work.
The positive aspect this time is that the oppressive fatigue of the previous AC chemo coctail is absent. This means that next week I can probably try out a casual job someone has offered for me to do in my short windows of energy. Well, at least the intention to try is there. Whether I'll make it is another issue.
Anyway, for now the energy is there and I am off to the gym. But before I do, I have to tell you about my visit to the plastic surgeon. (boy this chemo brain makes me forget the most important things).
Friday morning I fronted up to Dr D.P. really nervous. I knew I didn't want any more surgery, but I had resigned myself that I may have to have it. The doc looked uptight too, taking my measure, just like Dr. A.S. did a lifetime away. Although this guy doesn't have the cancer surgeon's charm or sense of humour, he has my admiration for his darned good common sense.
He said that, even if I wanted or needed reconstructive surgery, he wouldn't want to see me before 12 months after all the treatments have been completed. The reason being that it takes that long for the breast tissue to settle down and for me to assess whether the physical changes are acceptable, or cause intolerable problems with posture, back pain, and/or appearance.
Well, as far as I am concerned, the appearance (caused by one breast becoming much smaller than the other) can easily be corrected with a small prosthesis, so I wouldn't consider surgery for that, but I guess I am keeping an open mind in case I develop postural or back pain problems. Phew! Do I feel better!
And talking about living in the present.... Just had a call from Jackie and I am off to have fun with her and the kids, so I guess the gym will have to wait for another time and I"ll get my exercise running after Tegan and Leah, which would probably expend the same amount of energy, but will be much more enjoyable.
Ah, life! It can be so beautiful. Here's a pic Alison took of me doing my Qigong exercise under the old Moreton Fig tree in Bicentennial Park before the Taxol horror. I am wearing the same outfit today.
Labels: breast cancer
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