Timeline

I just had a good look at this blog and noticed that the first entry was in September. My goodness, that's seven months! It seems a lifetime away. I was so healthy and happy! I was mulling over in my mind how to reinvent myself in terms of making money so I could continue my fiction writing. Well, we know what happened with that: zilch.

In any case, it occurs to me that I have only four more weeks of this radiation wonder to go through and then I am done. But, even as I think this, I am reminded of Dr A. S.'s admonition when I asked if that would be the last time I see him.

'You don't get rid of me as easily as that', he laughed and I realise now that this cancer will be my life's companion from now on. Not that it's going to come back and suddenly kill me, because I don't think it will (and if so, I am not going to worry about it now), but I will never be free of the 'team', whether it be Dr A.S., the Prof, or whoever comes after them. I will be prodded and observed 'for my own good' from now on and I will never have the freedom to completely let go of this horrendous experience that I am going through now. Ugh, what an ugly thought.

I am trying to think of some bright side to this, and of course there are some. For one, hopefully the cancer dog has been pushed away. Another good thing to look forward to is that I will learn to do Dragon racing. I've always liked rowing, and there's a dragon racing team for cancer survivors. Amazing really, how organised these women are, and a bit strange to think that from now on I am going to be one of them.

Maybe it's just getting older and surviving longer that puts us in the 'survivor' category. Until now, it was the war, the Holocaust, the Revolution, the Escape. This latest 'surviving' seems almost mundane, but I have to say it's pretty harrowing, so I'll just tuck it away with the others. Do they give medals for how often you survive?